


This Gentle Heart Will Mess You Up

by Ad_Astra



Series: Denialverse [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Haru/Water - Freeform, Humour, Kittens, M/M, TsundeRin, cheap lecherous jokes, riding the 'Makoto is exceptionally endowed' bandwagon, warning: Nagisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ad_Astra/pseuds/Ad_Astra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Rin keeps saying he won't do the thing and then does the thing.</p><p>Or alternatively, that fic where Rin and Makoto start off wanting to bang Haru but end up banging each other instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Gentle Heart Will Mess You Up

**Author's Note:**

> Because someone had to write it. 
> 
> Fair warning: This fic is equal parts obscene and ridiculous, and by all means could be considered crack. There’s no build-up, things just happen, and I apologize in advance for the words I put in Nagisa’s mouth.
> 
> [EDIT] check out the [comic](http://buttleronduty.tumblr.com/post/76947416992/someone-asked-me-if-ive-read-gestahlts-fics-yet) the lovely [Moose](http://buttleronduty.tumblr.com) drew based on this fic!

Haru considers both of their proposals for all of three seconds before turning back to the pool to lovingly thrust his fingers in the water. “I’m sorry, but I am really not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with either of you,” he states calmly, and glances sideways specifically at Rin. “Or sexual for that matter.”

The short silence that comes after is understandably awkward, but not entirely unexpected.

“Okay,” Makoto says after a short beat, still smiling.

Rin, on the other hand, is nowhere near as accepting.  “Why the hell not?”

Haruka sighs, as if the act of explaining himself is inconveniencing him in every conceivable way. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t care about you two, because I do,” he explains. “Makoto, you’re my best friend, and Rin, you’re my one great rival, and you are both irreplaceable people in my life, but that’s the thing.” He flicks his hand up, and water splashes into his face. “You’re people.”

“Um,” Makoto says.

“I don’t expect you to understand," Haru continues, his eyes shimmering as he gazes at the pool. "Many people look at water like it will bare its fangs and attack. But me? I just submit to its embrace, and let it wash over me. It doesn’t ask anything of me, and it has always calmed me down.”

It’s probably the longest string of words Rin has heard Haru speak all his life. It’s a pity Rin can’t make any sense of it. “Haru,” he says. “Have you maybe listened to yourself talk lately?”

Haru just fixes him his trademark look of “you are only 70% water therefore I give 0% fucks,” before turning his back on them. “I’m sorry but I can’t give you what you’re asking for,” he says, standing up and proceeding to execute a perfect dive into the arms of his one true love.

Makoto sighs and smiles ruefully, watching Haru cut through the water with his usual effortless grace. Against all sound logic, Makoto’s face is lacking the sort of devastation expected after such a blasé rejection, which, Rin thinks, is really unfair, and voices it so.

“What are you smiling about, we both got dumped,” Rin says grumpily.

“He still acknowledged us as important,” Makoto answers.

Truly, Makoto’s optimism knows no bounds. It’s a little scary.  Rin stares at him. “Are you fucking kidding me? Did you not realize that he essentially chose _water_ over us?”

“He said I was his best friend and that I’m irreplaceable,” Makoto says dreamily. “That’s pretty good.”

Rin doesn’t even know why he bothers. “Okay now that’s just _sad_ ,” he scoffs. “Face it, unless we’re colourless, amorphous and take the shape of our containers, Haru’s never going to look at us the way we want him to.”

“I know that,” Makoto says quietly with a shrug. “I’ve known it for years.”

“Then why?” Rin resists the urge to angrily kick a nearby trash can. “You just made yourself look like an idiot.”

Makoto tilts his head, eyebrows raised. “As I recall, _you_ also made your own confession.”

“Excuse me, as _I_ recall, my exact words were ‘hey wanna fuck?’” Rin snaps. “You’re the one who said all that lame stuff about liking him since forever.”

“Ah, but I’ve had my whole life to be prepared for that answer,” Makoto replies with an impossibly sincere smile, and proceeds to walk away from the pool towards the locker room.

Rin’s jaw drops. “What? I can’t believe you’re taking this lying down,” he says incredulously, and finds himself _following_ Makoto instead of trying his luck with Haru without Makoto’s interference, because despite Rin’s acknowledgment of his and Makoto’s obvious lack of liquid physiology, Rin still believes that Haru is not beyond convincing, provided one uses the correct words. Like say, ‘threesome with the pool.’

But no, he’s following Makoto because if Makoto, who has pretty much mooned over Haru all his natural life, can let this go without so much as a solitary tear or lip tremble, it’s Rin who ends up getting the raw end of the deal here. Logically speaking, Makoto should be treating this like it’s the most heart-crushing moment of his life. Getting turned down for a non-entity is kind of like getting kicked in the nuts with a steel-toed boot while simultaneously getting told that you’re a miserable disgrace to your gene pool.

“Are you still holding out hope?” Makoto asks, breaking Rin out of his reverie.

Rin kind of hates Makoto a little for asking reasonable questions despite having completely unreasonable reactions. “I’m just saying that Haru is not normal,” he answers with a frown. “It’s probably a phase.” A seventeen year old phase. Rin can wait four years to beat Haru, but he doesn’t know how long he’s willing to wait to beat freaking _water_ , or if he’s even willing to wait at all. And while Rin is insanely competitive, this goes above and beyond the acceptable scope of what he’s willing to compete against.

“Late bloomer huh?” Makoto muses, as he steps into their locker room. “Maybe Nagisa can tell us something about that.”

“Who would go to Nagisa for something like this?” Rin scoffs.

*

 

“It’s because you two are competing over him,” Nagisa says wisely. “And you know how Haru-chan is; he’s not very keen on the concept of competition. It’s his way of saying he can’t choose between the two of you, so he goes and does something bizarre and utterly predictable, choosing water.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Rin says, and peers out of the locker room to see Haru calmly floating in the pool, a smile of absolute bliss on his face.  He scowls and turns back to Nagisa. “Tell me more.”

“Well, first you need to prove something to Haru-chan,” Nagisa says.

 “Prove what?” Makoto asks.

“Duh, that you don’t hate each other,” Nagisa answers, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Makoto frowns. “I don’t hate Rin,” he says, and turns to Rin. “Do you hate me?”

“No,” Rin answers. “But I can’t say I’m too fond of you right now either.”

“Whatever, Rin-chan. Anyway, you need to show Haru-chan that you’re comfy with each other,” Nagisa says, and rubs his hands excitedly, eyes shining in a way that triggers a series “oh fuck no” distress signals within Rin’s mental warning system. “And by comfy, I mean real close, the type that would make him think ‘damn I can’t believe I gave that up.’ And you know what two people who hate each other can do that is super fun and guaranteed to cause feelings of mutual euphoria?”

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei says warningly.

“We don’t hate each other,” Rin corrects.

“What is it?” Makoto asks, ever hopeful and naïve.

“I’ll give you a hint, Mako-chan,” Nagisa says, sitting back and grinning like a fiend. “It involves using certain long objects, and careful, calculated stroking.”

“Nagisa-kun!” Rei repeats, in a slightly higher tone, his cheeks colouring. Rin rolls his eyes at the immaturity of it all. Makoto just looks confused.

Of course, none of these less than enthusiastic reactions deters Nagisa a single bit. “Mako-chan is already an expert on it.”

“I am?”

“He is?” Rei asks, surprised.

“Yeah!” Nagisa says. “Ask Haru-chan.”

“Haru?” Rin’s eyes narrow.

Makoto frowns. “I don’t understand.”

Nagisa keeps talking. “Mako-chan, don’t you know?” he says with wide eyes. “Haru-chan has always been impressed by the gentle way—“

Rei bristles, and looks worriedly at Rin. “Nagisa-kun, stop-“

“—you elicit those wonderful purrs—”

“—You are welcome to shut up anytime,” Rin snaps.

“— with each gentle movement of your –“

“What part of shut up do you not understand?”

“—long, calloused, pleasure-inducing—”

“Nagisa, I fucking swear—“

“— fingers.”

“Fingers?” All three of them repeat, dumbstruck.

“To pet kittens with!” Nagisa says with a flourish. “You can both bond over kittens! Kittens make everything better!”

Rei makes an “oh” sound and looks away, the tips of his ears red, as if he just remembered leaving a purple dildo in the shower room bottle rack and it only occurred to him now.

“I could do that,” Makoto says at the same time Rin says, “How about no.”

Rin glances sideways at Makoto. “You can’t possibly be serious.”

“It has been scientifically proven that petting a cat reduces stress levels,” Rei volunteers, as if determined to make up for his earlier display of lack of faith. “Statistics do not lie.”

“I like kitties,” Makoto says cheerfully. “I pet a lot of kitties. This is very true.”

“I like kitties too,” Rin says before remembering that he’s not supposed to be agreeing with this tomfoolery and quickly adds: “We’re not petting kitties together. You can’t honestly believe that bullshit.”

“You’re such a killjoy, Rin-chan,” Nagisa grumbles, before shrugging. “Which is just as well, because what I really wanted to say was, you two should totally bang. That works out even better, I think.”

“Nagisa-kun!” Rei shouts, looking inexplicably betrayed.

Makoto goes red and stammers something unintelligible and Rin just stares. “You know, everyone tells me that you’re disturbing and I didn’t believe them because I still fondly remember you as that little shrimp who begged to join our elementary relay swim team,” Rin says. “But they were _right._ ”

“I’m not disturbing. You just don’t appreciate my style,” Nagisa quips breezily. “But come on, it’s a feasible solution, isn’t it?”

“Excuse me, but no, no it isn’t,” Rin retorts. “Unless by bang, you mean duel to the death, and believe it or not, I don’t actually want to go that far.”

“And how on earth is that a solution to anything?” Rei supplements, before Nagisa could take a crack with Rin’s ‘duel’ and run away with it.

Nagisa sighs, as if the three of them have failed his expectations. “See, right now, all Rin-chan and Mako-chan have in common are Haru-chan and the desire to do bad things to his body,” he explains. “Yes, you too, Mako-chan, don’t lie, don’t think I haven’t seen the way you look at Haru-chan whenever you give him your half of a popsicle.”

Makoto shrinks into himself and buries his face in between his knees, like a shy overgrown teddy bear made with muscle instead of cotton. It’s kinda cute.

Rin certainly didn’t think that and so just glares poisonously at Nagisa, because Nagisa is the cause of all things lewd and demonic.

Nagisa, of course, isn’t even the slightest bit fazed. “I mean, let’s not kid ourselves, the only reason you guys confessed is because you want to tap that ass,” he continues, his hands doing an imitation of either a buxom posterior or possibly a lopsided cereal box, which Rin surmises is supposed to represent Haru’s tappable bottom. “You are at the height of your hormonal years. I mean, all guys our age have sex on the brain 24/7. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Rei-chan can explain—“

“—I’m sure they’ll take your word for it,” Rei interrupts before Nagisa can continue and leave Rin with more irreparable mental scarring for the rest of his life.

“So, since Haru-chan’s obviously not interested in either of you two, you could just work off your frustrations on each other,” Nagisa declares, hands on his hips. “You’re both fairly attractive boys- and liking each other isn’t really a prerequisite for fucking, you know. Right Rei-chan?”

Rei adjusts his glasses and looks away. “I’d appreciate it if you do not rope me in with your ambiguous moral codes.”

“Or fine, you two could just make out,” Nagisa grumbles, to placate Rei’s delicate sensibilities. “Start slow.”

Makoto is still red but he’s stopped cowering behind his arms and is now peeking at Rin as if in appraisal. Rin suddenly feels self-conscious— which is completely unreasonable; he has a fantastic bod, and he’s even more ripped than Haru, because he never let up on his training once, and actually deigns to eat meat from warm-blooded animals instead of subsisting entirely on a diet of fish.

Nagisa’s idea is not without merit however. Theoretically speaking, Rin is aware of the concept that people can not like each other but enjoy screwing around, for the sake of screwing around. Heck, Haru gets on his nerves all the time, but that doesn’t stop Rin from getting into Haru’s personal space every possible moment. And it’s true, he’s kind of desperate for some instant gratification that doesn’t involve the sole company of his right hand.

There’s a hesitant look in Makoto’s eyes when Rin meets his gaze, like he’s anticipating for Rin to react, to make a concrete reaction, a violent objection, or… or… this is ridiculous— Makoto has no right to look at Rin like he’s expecting anything, because there’s absolutely no reason for either of them to be even _considering_ this.   

“We’re not making out,” Rin says vehemently, and ignores the little flutter in his chest when Makoto looks down as if confirming his hunch. “And that’s final.”

*

By a bizarre twist of events involving the shocking discovery of Nagisa’s influence with certain members of the school’s disciplinary board, and a group of big-boned hooligans discreetly referred to as the 'Iwatobi Bouncers Crew,' Rin and Makoto end up locked in the empty physics lab, half an hour after their conversation in the locker room, doing exactly what Rin emphatically said he wouldn’t do.

He really doesn’t know why they’ve shoved themselves in the corner bookshelf like this, instead of using something more ergonomic, like the teacher’s table or the desk, but really, there’s no time to think about such banalities, when Makoto’s pressing up to him, all hard lines and firm muscles, one of his large warm hands making it up Rin’s shirt.  

Again, Rin vaguely remembers that he got duped into this solely because of Makoto’s attempt to stop Rin from destroying school property, after Nagisa merrily skipped away laughing at their expense from the other side of the door. Makoto had blurted out, “It’s worth a shot, Rin” and gave Rin that hopeful little smile guaranteed to melt the heart of even the most evil and severely menopausal. Rin would like to think that despite purposely behaving like a jackass at times, he’s neither evil nor menopausal, and so with an air of resignation, he yanked Makoto by the collar, and well, here they are.

“I thought I said we’re not making out,” Rin says, after some twenty minutes of making his tongue feel at home in Makoto’s mouth.

“Yeah,” Makoto says, and Rin doesn’t pause to think about how that doesn’t even make a lick of sense, because one of Makoto’s sneaky fingers just brushed against his nipple, making Rin reign in a shuddering gasp, and slam the back of his head against a copy of “The Universe in a Nutshell.”

“I’m only doing this because I have needs that aren’t being met, because Haru is a freak,” Rin says, flustered, while sliding his own hands up the ridges of Makoto’s back.

“For Haru,” Makoto agrees, and kisses him again.

*

 

They don’t talk about it for three days. Or rather, Rin chooses not to talk about it and ignores Makoto’s alarming number of texts and calls, and declines all invitations from Nagisa and Gou to come visit them. Rin tells himself that while it felt great and left him in an inexplicably good mood for the rest of the evening, it was still a stupid thing to do, because what Nagisa thinks is good idea and what is a viable solution to Rin’s problems tend to diverge rather spectacularly.

Then Makoto shows up in Samezuka out of the blue, waving merrily at him and carrying a fucking cupcake of all things. Rin briefly contemplates turning around and walking away really fast, but then Makoto calls out “RIN!” and so he has to abandon the “pretend Makoto is just a large piece of ambulatory furniture” option, and actually acknowledge his presence.

And speaking of acknowledging Makoto’s presence, a lot of other people are already way ahead of Rin. It’s not surprising really; a tall, well-built guy with a face and body like Makoto’s catches attention easily. Rin spots a bunch of boys ogling Makoto so hard, it’s a miracle he hasn’t burst into flame yet— what the fuck is up with those black skinny jeans and dark green muscle shirt anyway, fucking show-off— which forces Rin to stomp over to him and physically drag him somewhere where people won’t see them and start assuming embarrassing things, like they’re dating, eww.

They end up at the deserted back of the science building where Rin pretty much shoves Makoto against the wall. “Okay, what the hell is this?”

“Um. it’s a cupcake.”

“I know it’s a cupcake, smartass, I’m asking what the hell do you mean to do with this?”

Makoto rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Peace offering?”

Rin raises an eyebrow. “For what?

“For what happened?” Makoto looks down, biting his lip, and Rin suddenly feels a completely illogical urge to kiss him. “You weren’t returning my calls so I thought you were mad at me...”

Against all sense and reason, Rin’s conscience chooses this time to make a fuss. “I was busy,” he says, but grudgingly takes the cupcake from Makoto’s grasp anyway. “And I really don’t know what to say to you.”

“Oh okay,” Makoto says, with a small smile that tells Rin he’s not asking for another explanation. Typical, really. He looks down, and clears his throat. “Well, I uh, I have something I know I want to say.”

“So say it,” Rin says impatiently.  

It takes a beat before Makoto responds. When he does, he takes a deep breath and manages to look Rin straight in the eye, despite the tinge of red on his cheeks. “I don’t regret it.”

Oh. Well then.

Rin should’ve seen this coming, really, because then, he’d probably have thought of a better, less asshole-ish reply other than: “Well, it’s a moot point because it’s not gonna happen again.” He stubbornly ignores the way Makoto’s face falls, and takes a tentative bite out of the proffered peace offering, out of good faith.

Holy shit. How can cupcakes taste like this, it’s like the sugar pastry form of all the swimming victories he’s ever had in his life, and he can _taste it in his mouth_.

Makoto doesn’t comment on his response, opting to watch Rin attempt to devour this delightful little pastry with the least enthusiasm as he is currently capable of. “You like it?” he asks, hope shining in his eyes.

“Eh, it’s okay,” Rin admits, and takes another bite. “Bad for my diet though.”

“Well, I have more,” Makoto says brightly, choosing to ignore Rin’s claims about watching his weight and proceeds to get a whole box of more victory-sex pastries from his backpack, much to Rin’s simultaneous chagrin and delight. He gets one and takes a bite from it. “Hey, they _are_ good!”

Rin swallows another bite of cake. “Did you make this yourself?”

“The twins helped,” Makoto answers, and takes another bite. “This is supposed to be a dozen pieces, but they ate three each, so now there are only six…” His eyes widen, as if in sudden realization. “Oh no, these are supposed to be for you!” he cries out, looking genuinely contrite. “Sorry, I ate my own peace offering.”

Rin rolls his eyes. “Why are you sorry, you baked the damn things.” He knows Makoto’s selfless to a fault, but this is ridiculous.

"Oh right," Makoto says, smiling with relief, and polishes off the cupcake. Rin does the same, and for a few moments, the silence is filled by chewing noises and the distant noise of the people in other corners of the academy.

Makoto's the first to speak.

"Hey, Rin."

"What?"

Makoto turns towards him, smiling softly, cream cheese frosting lining his upper lip. “I really didn’t regret it," he says, in an honest, heartfelt voice that makes Rin feel like the biggest bag of douche to ever douche. “I liked it more than I thought I would.“

Rin's not sure he is ever going to be prepared to deal with nice things happening to him despite his best efforts to drive them away, and so reacts to these words in the best way he can: diversion. "... You have frosting on your lip," he says and pulls out a handkerchief from his back pocket. 

“Oh sorry,” Makoto says, flustered. Rin leans in closer, his eyes focused on Makoto's mouth, and just as he’s reaching up to wipe the mess away, Makoto pulls back, meets Rin’s eyes, and says, “Ah, wait, no need for that.”

Then his tongue darts out and sweeps his upper lip clean in a way that Rin couldn’t describe in a word other than _pornographic._

Rin drops his handkerchief, and could only just gape at this heretofore unknown capacity for underhanded trickery, all his preconceived notions of Makoto remaining a sweet-faced conservative virgin dissipating like vapour. And they say Rin changed? Fuck that. Makoto is a manipulative bastard who does not fight fair.

“Rin?” Makoto asks, tilting his head inquisitively, like he didn’t just inadvertently seduce Rin with cream cheese and blowjob lips.

“I hate you,” Rin snarls and proceeds to push Makoto back into the wall and lick into his mouth.

Makoto makes a delightful little noise of surprise, but he kisses back, and puts his hands on Rin’s hips.

And so, it becomes a thing.

*

Rin finds himself in Iwatobi a lot more often now, usually either to race Haru or coach Rei on his butterfly stroke. They are of course, the only reasons he bothers to leave his own practice on the dot, and take the train to Iwatobi twice a week. It just so happens that Nagisa and Rei usually leave early, Gou is discreet enough to excuse herself (though Rin could do without the shit-eating grins and joking complaints about corrupting her team captain’s virtue), and Haru refuses to part from the pool's embrace until the last allowable moment, so really, Rin’s just taking advantage of this completely coincidental lack of other people to corner Makoto after his shower to mess him up again and again.  

They’re getting somewhere today. Rin didn’t let him put on a shirt, and Makoto’s doing quick work of Rin’s belt buckles, their mouths fused clumsily together as their hands skitter everywhere else.

That is, until somebody slams a locker door shut, and Rin nearly bites off Makoto’s lower lip, when he turns around, heart hammering in his chest.

Haru’s impassive gaze stares back at him.

“What the fuck, how long have you been standing there?” Rin demands, as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, hoping his death glare compensates well enough for the fact that his face is hot enough to melt the nearby lockers.

Haru shrugs. “A while. Was gauging whether or not you were trying to suffocate Makoto.”

“Excuse me?”

Haru fishes a handkerchief from his locker and tosses it to Rin, eyes narrowed. “Fix him. His mouth is bleeding.”

As if on cue, Makoto whimpers behind him and Rin feels his indignation melt away into guilt and embarrassment, which is not fair really, considering that this is totally Haru’s fault.

“Yeah well, it wouldn’t be, if you didn’t go around playing ninja and shocking the living fuck out of people,” Rin grumbles, though he exercises extra care in wiping both blood and spit from Makoto’s mouth.

“He wasn’t trying to suffocate me, Haru,” Makoto says, wincing as Rin gently pats the blood off his lip. “We were just—“

“I know what you were doing,” Haru interrupts.

“Great, congratulations, you’re not a complete social imbecile after all,” Rin retorts bitterly, as he pulls his hand back and examines Makoto's lip. “Because you know, the fact that you know what kissing is makes me feel so much better about you ruining it.”

“Haru…” Makoto whispers, when Haru just rolls his eyes at Rin’s ribbing, and proceeds to grab his towel from his locker. “Don’t you have anything to say about it?”

Haru doesn’t answer at first, though he does look like he’s considering Makoto’s question, his gaze lingering on Rin. Rin glares back mutinously but this has little effect on Haru, who has veered his gaze to sweep across Rin’s chest. His calculating gaze does strange things to Rin’s groin—like it couldn’t decide whether to be turned on or creeped out.

Just as Rin’s about to open his mouth to snap at Haru, Haru looks away and grabs Makoto’s toiletries bag from Makoto’s locker.

“Australia has given you really powerful lungs, Rin,” he says finally. “You went a full five minutes without surfacing for air.” Then he nonchalantly strolls past them, heading towards the showers.

Rin blinks, still staring at the spot where Haru was, his brain attempting to determine whether Haru was making a joke or just being ridiculous.

“Uh… Rin?” Makoto hedges after a few moments of worrying silence. “Are you—“

“—Did that actually just _happen?_ ” Rin demands, not caring anymore whether Haru can hear him or not.

“… He probably doesn’t know that we can breathe through our noses when we kiss?” Makoto muses softly, though he doesn’t need to, as they both hear the shower spigot turn on, and water pounds the tiles, providing a temporary background noise to cover the tracks of their conversation.

“No, I meant—did he seriously just— ugh!” Rin claws at his face, wanting to wipe the past few minutes off his memory banks. “How did I ever get attracted to an idiot like him?”

“Haru is beautiful,” Makoto recites automatically. “Especially in water. Plus he’s an amazing swimmer and friend and—“

“—That was a rhetorical question,” Rin interrupts, with a scowl, and slams his locker door shut.

“Oh. Sorry.” Makoto smiles apologetically, and much to Rin’s disappointment, starts putting on a shirt. For a moment, Rin just stands there awkwardly, wondering whether he has any chance of continuing where they left off.

Then the locker room opens with a bang again, and Nagisa’s familiar voice echoes in the room. “Did anyone touch my pack—“  He stops short as he sees Rin and Makoto and does a double take. “Whoa, Rin-chan, I told you to make out with Mako-chan, not eat him. “

“This. Wasn’t. My. Fault,” Rin says through gritted teeth. What is this, slam things loudly and interrupt Rin’s quest for instant gratification day? “What are you doing here anyway, I thought you already left?”

“I forgot something,” Nagisa says, and walks past them. “Need anything for that lip, Mako-chan?”

Makoto smiles. “It’s okay, it’ll heal by itself.” He turns towards Rin. “Do you want Haru and me to walk you to the train station?”

Rin considers that for a moment, until Nagisa makes the decision for him.

“No need for that, Mako-chan!” Nagisa says as he takes a package from his locker and hurries to Rin’s side. “I’ll do it!”

Rin immediately feels cold, like an ice cube just slid down his spine, which is a feeling par for the course whenever Nagisa volunteers his own company for unspecified reasons. “No thanks,” Rin says, and grabs his school bag from the floor, heading out, determined to lose Nagisa as soon as he could. 

This of course, does not happen. Nagisa is beside him in an instant, latching himself onto Rin's free arm. “But it’s been so long since I bonded with you, Rin-chan."

“I said no, Nagisa.”

“Awww come on,” Nagisa whines, and snakes both arms around Rin’s waist, making Rin almost trip on his feet. “I’ll buy you dinner!”

Rin tries to shake him off but it’s like trying to disengage from an amorous octopus. “What part of no do you not understand?”

“It’ll be fun and productive,” Nagisa insists. “I’ll teach you all my make-out techniques!’

“Oh go fuck yourself,” Rin mutters angrily.

*

“I’ve established that Haru is hopeless. Hopeless and dumb as a bag of bricks,” Rin declares, with an emphatic slam of his diet soda on the table. “He walked in on us sucking face, and all he had to say is I have powerful lungs. LUNGS.”

They’re in the local burger joint near the Samezuka academy, where Nagisa makes good on his word and pays for their dinner. He still doesn’t remember how exactly Nagisa convinced him to have burgers in the first place, as it’s been recently proven that wilful exposure to Nagisa is a reliable way to sabotage one’s mental health, but well, Rin has an awfully good record of fucking up recently, might as well go for broke.

“Maybe you need to step up your game,” Nagisa suggests, after slurping noisily on a milkshake. “And by step up, I mean step down, preferably in a face to pelvis level—”

“If you don’t shut up now, I am choking you with your own fries I swear to—”

“—I’m just saying,” Nagisa interrupts, pouting prettily, and Rin wonders yet again, what kind of sick twisted trauma Nagisa experienced as a child to turn from a sweet little boy to _this._ “You need to get off the PG-13 rating. For maximum shock value.”

“If I wanted to shock Haru, I’d throw an electric eel at him,” Rin retorts. “I don’t want shock. I want anger! Jealousy! I want him to look at me and Makoto and think ‘well damn, I can’t get that kind of action from a body of water.’ ”

“Well, unless you’ve found a way to be physically amorous with the pool, I don’t think that’s possible,” Nagisa says dryly. “So really, you can just have Haru-chan catch you again in an even more pornographic position.”

 Rin sighs. “What is it with you and exhibitionism?”

“It’s no ordinary exhibitionism!” Nagisa protests. “It’s exhibitionism with a _purpose._ ”

“It’s stupid.”

“Rin-chan, you’re missing the point,” Nagisa says, looking at Rin like a mother looks at her eternally troublesome and sticky child. “Either way, you get blowjobs, so it’s a win-win.”

Rin supresses the urge to repeatedly knock his face on the table and settles for slamming his forehead on his palm instead. “I don’t know why I keep talking to you.”

“Mako-chan will be willing,” Nagisa says confidently. “Trust me.”

“I’m sorry, but you’ve revoked the right to use the words ‘trust’ and ‘me’ in the same sentence the moment you suggested blowjobs as a solution to my problem.”

“Oh, so you don’t believe me then?” Nagisa says, eyes gleaming.

Rin glowers mightily at him and takes another sip of his soda. “No. I don’t.”

*

“Oh my god,” Rin gasps out, the back of his head banging against the locker.

“mphh phai mphoin phif rife?”

“What?”

Makoto pulls away and looks up at Rin quizzically. “Am I doing this right?”

“Who told you to stop?” Rin snaps, though the irritation in his voice quickly devolves into a shameful moan, when Makoto’s mouth wraps around him again. “Yes, just keep doing that, holy fuck.”

Makoto laughs around Rin’s cock, which sends vibrations of unspeakable pleasure washing over him like a wave. His fingers clench tighter around Makoto’s hair, and he can’t help it—his hips push forward on their own, and Makoto just _takes_ it, and oh god, Rin’s getting there, just a few more—

The locker room door opens, Rin catches Haru’s eyes, and proceeds to come messily inside Makoto’s mouth.

Haru spares them a glance, and heads straight towards the showers.

Rin wants to call out the obligatory offensive remark, but Makoto must’ve sucked out some of Rin’s brains through his dick because he can’t seem to find enough brain cells to formulate an insult to harass Haru with right now.

Makoto, of course, looks panicky and worried, which hugely contrasts the stripe of Rin’s come still on his cheek. “Haru— wait,” he calls out, bowing apologetically to Rin before hurrying after Haru.

Rin’s too punch-drunk with the aftershocks of orgasm to care, and instead clumsily grabs a towel to clean up.

So Haru doesn’t care either. Whatever, that was an awesome blowjob.

He hates it when Nagisa is right.

*

“So Haru caught us fooling around again. Nothing,” Rin reports. They are back in the burger joint this time, now with Rei and Makoto, because it’s the only place Haru will refuse to join them, seeing as mackerel is not a part of the menu.

“Maybe you were doing it the wrong way,” Nagisa says thoughtfully.

“How do you fool around the wrong way?” Makoto asks, perplexed.

“Maybe you weren’t fooling around in a beautiful way,” Rei says.

“There’s the passionate, locker-banging toe-curling fooling around, and the ‘devour your face and land spit everywhere’ fooling around,” Nagisa says, unmindful of Rei’s look of disgust. “Which one did Haru-chan catch you in?”

“The one where Makoto decided my mouth wasn’t enough and proceeded to make out with my dick instead,” Rin says, making Makoto almost choke on a fry. “That’s what you said, right? Step up the game?”

“Guys, please, we’re in a public place,” Makoto pleads, looking around nervously for any potential victims of Nagisa’s adamant eschewing of polite conversation topics.

Nagisa ignores Makoto’s fretting and stares at Rin, removing his attention away from his hotdog bun for a moment. “I didn’t think you’d take me seriously,” he says, sounding simultaneously delighted and awed. “No one takes me seriously. And you took me seriously _twice._ ”

“I take you seriously,” Rei protests. “Well, sometimes.”

“You don’t count,” Nagisa replies, and Rei’s expression crumples, though it quickly morphs into a sort of embarrassed fondness, when Nagisa affectionately rubs his cheek into Rei’s school jacket. “Because you’re my boyfriend silly, that’s a given. But anyway, back on topic. What do you think about it, Mako-chan?”

Makoto lowers his eyes and speaks very softly. “Oh. It’s weird. A bit salty, but—”

“I meant Haru-chan walking in on you, not the blowjob,” Nagisa says, wrinkling his nose slightly. “Though if you really want to go there I wouldn't stop you."

“Nagisa-kun, please. We're eating,” Rei hisses.

“What, like you’ve never swallowed Nagisa’s load before,” Rin says, and Rei spits soda all over his chicken nuggets.

“That’s,” Rei says, his entire face glowing redder than Coach Sasabe’s tropical shirt, “Completely—”

“—And anyway, I offered to return the favour,” Rin says, interrupting Rei and turning back to Nagisa. “But he politely declined.”

“Your mouth is a terrible place for a dick, that’s why,” Nagisa says.

“Nagisa!” Makoto and Rei both cry out, horrified.

Rin narrows his eyes. “And why is that?”

“Your teeth are terrifying,” Nagisa answers matter-of-factly. “I mean, would _you_ put your precious manly organ in the middle of a bear trap?”

“That is unfair and completely uncalled for,” Rin retorts. “You’re oppressing my rights to provide sexual services based solely on my dentures. That’s discrimination.” He’s never been really sensitive about the way his teeth turned out, but if Nagisa thinks he can bully Rin around, he’s got another thing coming.

Nagisa leans forward, accepting Rin’s challenge silently. “I think Mako-chan would call it ‘self-preservation,’ if it’s all the same to you,” he fires back.

“Makoto can speak for himself,” Rin retorts and turns towards Makoto.  “You should totally let me give you a blowjob.”

Makoto looks startled to be asked to speak again. “Um, it’s okay…”

“Translation: My not receiving oral sex from you hurts me greatly but I’ll suffer through it somehow,” Nagisa supplies.

Makoto hastily waves his hands. “No, that’s not—”

“Sarcastically,” Nagisa appends. “He means all that sarcastically.”

“Here’s an idea, how about you shut up and let Makoto say something on his own behalf?” Rin says, scowling.

“I wanted to Rin,” Makoto blurts out. “I only said no because I didn’t want to do it in the locker room...” He looks down at his fries, blushing furiously. “Haru doesn’t care but it’s still not very nice to always catch your friends in compromising positions.”

Rin stopped listening long after ‘I wanted to.’ “Oh, so you _do_ want me to give you one!” he says, triumphantly. “See, Nagisa? Shove your bear trap illusions up your ass.”

“I’m just looking out for Mako-chan,” Nagisa says, switching tactics and turning towards Makoto with knowing eyes. “I mean, how do we know Rin-chan’s not gonna bite it off so you become damaged goods and he’s free to get Haru-chan’s love all for himself?”

“Your mind is a horrible place,” Rin says, before looking up, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Though I see how that would work.”

“I am sitting _right here_ ,” Makoto says, a truly horrified expression on his face now.

“I’m not going to bite off your dick, Makoto,” Rin assures him with an irritated eye roll. “I mean fine, let’s be realistic here, the most that will probably happen is some unintentional nipping.”

“Oh I’ve heard that one before,” Nagisa says, and takes a huge bite from his second hotdog bun. “In shows like Hannibal.”

Makoto drops his burger, squirms in his seat, and actually scoots away from Rin, looking like he wants nothing more than to run screaming from the room. “Excuse me, I seem to have dropped mustard on my lap—“

Rin sighs. “Makoto—“

“—and I need to get napkins—“

“Makoto—“

“— because we’ve all run out—“

Rin stands up, and slams his hands on the table. “Ohmygod, don’t be ridiculous, I'm not going to bite of your _coc_ —“

Rei gasps, and more than half the customers turn towards Rin.

“—CONUT. Ice pop. Coconut ice pop,” Rin finishes lamely, his face flaming as he absorbs all the incredulous staring from pretty much most of the diner. Only his stalwart pride keeps him from slinking back into his seat and burying his face in fries.

Nagisa jumps up from his seat. “Ahahaha, sorry for disturbing your dinner, folks,” he says, flashing everyone a beam light smile. “My friend Rin-chan here is just very _passionate_ about coconuts!”

“That must be a _really good_ coconut ice pop,” the waitress says, winking at them in a way that screams “I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY BOY.”

That’s it, Rin is going to poison Nagisa’s melon bread one of these days.

“Oh yes. He’s been deprived of it for a while now,” Nagisa answers solemnly.

And it'll be slow-acting, limb-atrophying, _painful_ poison.

“Well, we have canned coconut juice on the menu,” the waitress offers, smiling slyly.

Nagisa shakes his head but he’s grinning at the waitress like he just found his new best friend. “No, he only likes it _fresh_ ,” he says. “Right Rin-chan?”

Rin couldn’t take it anymore. “None of your business,” he snaps in a tone meant to end the conversation once and for all, and he glares at everyone in the diner to drive his point home. 

Daunted by the subduing power of killer red eyes and shark teeth, everyone meekly goes back to his or her own meal, though the waitress is muffling her laughter behind her order pad as she goes back to refill coffee for an elderly couple. Rin sits back down in the booth and takes deep breaths, quelling the urge to commit homicide with the ketchup bottle.

Makoto looks like he wants to crawl under the table and expire from shame. Rei looks like he wants nothing more than to publicly disown the lot of them.

“Sorry about that, Mako-chan,” Nagisa says, sitting down as well and not looking sorry at all. He picks up his hotdog and squirts mustard onto it. “Anyway, getting back to the topic—“

Rin growls, fingers creeping slowly towards the condiments plate. “Enough with my teeth already!“

“As I was saying Rin-chan, your teeth are just half the problem,” Nagisa barrels on. “I mean, you’ve seen it, right?”

“Seen what?”

“Mako-chan’s coconut ice pop,” Nagisa says.

“Please stop,” Makoto pleads, looking very close to crying.

Rin opens his mouth to say something along the lines of “what kind of stupid question is that” when he remembers that, no, he really hasn’t seen Makoto naked waist down. Huh. Weird. “No, actually,” he admits. 

“Seriously, Rin-chan? You’ve been fooling around this whole time and you haven’t even inspected the merchandise?” Nagisa says incredulously. 

“Not all of us are sex fiends like you,” Rin retorts. “What’s the big deal anyway?”

“What’s the big—Oh Rin-chan,” Nagisa says, shaking his head, making totally inappropriate clucking noises. “There’s another reason why Mako-chan's the _killer_ whale.”

“Why are you all talking like I’m not here,”  Makoto says.

“Oh really,” Rin says, his curiosity now more than piqued. “And how would _you_ know that?”

“Don’t get jealous, Rin-chan. I only saw it because I proposed the Iwatobi swim club waxing policy of course!”

Rin forgets to dispute that bit about jealousy in favour of reacting to the other tidbit of info. “You guys wax?”

“We do _not_ ,” Rei answers immediately, shooting Nagisa a warning look.

Nagisa makes a face. “Nah, we only made it as far as visual inspections,” he says sorrowfully, as if not getting his body hair stripped off is a missed opportunity that fills him with regret. “Remember that time after the first prefectural meet when you were still a tortured ball of angst? I told Mako-chan we need to edge out the competition a.k.a. you, and proposed that we wax all our body hair because I heard from Gou-chan that you only shave.”

Rin has never been gladder that he enrolled in Samezuka. “And Makoto agreed?”

Makoto sits up straight. “Well I—“

“—He never said anything, but Haru-chan was being sad because you were a giant jerkwad to him after the meet,” Nagisa interrupts again. “And what better way to drown out the pain of losing than with the pain of getting your pubes pulled out of your scrotum—mmph!”

“I apologize for his crass behaviour, Rin-san,” Rei says, as he firmly keeps a hold of the burger he stuffed in Nagisa’s mouth, ignoring Nagisa’s pitiful protests. He adjusts his glasses with his free hand, and looks to the side, blushing slightly. “Though I will be honest, Nagisa-kun is right. Makoto-senpai’s ah, _merchandise_ , poses a valid logistical concern.”

“Can anyone see me at all?” Makoto says pitifully.

Rin’s eyes narrow, and he stands up slowly, his hand coming to a rest on Makoto’s shoulder. “Well,” he drawls, and meets Nagisa’s gaze head on. “Let’s see about that, shall we?” And with that, he tugs Makoto out of the diner and into the direction of the dorms, Nagisa’s leering calls following them along the way.

*

 

Nitori takes one look at the two of them and quickly concludes that it’s high time he surprised his family with a weekend visit, and hastily grabs his wallet and phone from their shared room and hightails it out of there.

Rin locks the door, makes quick work of Makoto’s belt and pants, before pushing him into the computer chair and kneeling in front of him to finally witness for himself what the fuss is all about.

Oh.

_Ohhhh._

He swallows hard. Well, he’ll give this to Rei, he wasn’t kidding about this being a valid logistical concern.

Makoto’s looking at him with a half-fearful, half-expectant expression, teeth worrying at his bottom lip.

“Your cock,” Rin starts, as he stares at the magnificent piece of manly anatomy in front of him with begrudging reverence. “Could count as a valid homicide weapon.”

It gives justice to all those things Gou reads in those romance novels of hers. Terms like ‘rod of lordly might,’ ‘harpoon of lust’ and ‘scrotum pole’ — not that Rin is in the habit of reading his sister’s books; he just happened to be exceptionally curious that one time.

“I could say the same thing about your teeth,” Makoto says, touching the bite mark still stinging on his shoulder, from their earlier session in the Iwatobi locker room.

Rin smirks “Oh you’re giving me cheek now, Makoto?” he says, before proceeding to grab the base of Makoto’s cock, making Makoto suck in a sharp breath. “So unlike you.”

“You’re giving me head,” Makoto points out, and bites his lip when Rin takes him into his mouth without preamble. “Oh god. Can you um, open wider?”

Rin scowls and pulls away. “I am trying, okay, god did you hang weights on here when you were a kid or something?”

“Um, my mom was a huge fan of Chinese medicine,” Makoto says, and releases a quiet groan, when Rin carefully licks up the underside of his cock. “She sometimes got my medicine bottle and dad’s mixed up.”

It’s a testament to Rin’s state of awe that even this unwanted tidbit of knowledge about the Tachibana parental units isn’t doing anything to make him back down on his goal. “Maybe this is why Haru won’t date you,” Rin says instead, and licks his lips in preparation for a second attempt at conquering Makoto's significant endowment. “He’s afraid you’d break his back or something and he won’t be able to swim anymore.”

“I don’t think that’s it. But he did tell me that it’s detrimental to my drag resistance,” Makoto answers.

Rin would bark out his laughter at that, but his mouth is literally occupied with other things, so what comes out is a muffled sort of vibration that has Makoto’s hips jerking in response, which means that Rin’s doing a decent job, hopefully. Still, he doesn’t know whether to feel sad for Makoto or amused that Haru’s main concern about Makoto’s penis is its ability to cut through water.  

Makoto just keeps talking. “That’s why it’s good that I swim backstro—Ouch!”

Makoto nearly topples over as Rin pulls back again. Rin’s face is flushed, and he is getting increasingly frustrated. “Sorry,” he mutters, as he extricates himself. This is embarrassing. He hopes to whoever deity out there that Makoto doesn’t start remembering Nagisa’s quips about bear traps and Hannibal because wow, that would cement Rin’s status as a terrible lay, and the last thing he needs is something else to feel insecure about.

“You don’t have to do it all the way,” Makoto assures him patiently, with a slight grimace. “Just half is fine.”

“That _was_ just half.”

“Oh. Maybe we can do this another way, then?” Makoto says, his voice hopeful.

It takes a moment for Rin to realize what Makoto’s talking about before he stumbles back violently, the back of his head almost hitting the corner of his desk. “No way. You are not sodomizing me with that!”

“Oh,” Makoto says, looking crestfallen. “You don’t think you can take it?”

“I'm not falling for that,” Rin replies indignantly, glancing back at Makoto’s dick to distract himself from having to look at his dangerous puppy face. “ _Homicide weapon_.”

“I doubt it will be lethal to your well-being,” Makoto muses. “And I’ll prepare you really well. Nagisa slipped a few things in my jacket when we left.”

“That little _shit_ ,” Rin fumes, feeling unsurprised but nonetheless betrayed by Nagisa’s sneakiness and sheer audacity. “He totally planned this.”

“I think he just wants to help,” Makoto says. He studies Rin’s stubborn pout for a few moments, before smiling and shaking his head in resignation. “It’s okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I was forcing you…”

“Good, because we’re not fucking,” Rin huffs. “No way.”

*

“Fuck,” Rin says.

“Sorry, didn’t catch that,” Makoto answers apologetically, and thrusts again in a way that makes Rin claw at the sheets and mutter a torrent of unholy mouthings under his breath because damn, this feels like the most intense and most amazing violation he’s ever had in his life; why the fuck are people not having anal sex all the time and—

Makoto’s long slicked-up fingers wrap around Rin’s cock, pumping in quick short strokes, and that’s it, Rin comes harder than he’s ever had in his life, the orgasm blazing from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

He hasn’t decided whether to kill Nagisa or feed him cake when they meet up next. He could feel the hardness of the floor under him seeping through the flimsy buffer of his sleeping bag— they couldn’t use Rin’s bunk for obvious reasons, and improvised by zipping open Rin’s sleeping bag and using that instead—but he really couldn’t care less. Makoto looks stupidly happy, and Rin is torn between wanting to hit him to stop him from looking too smug, or just revelling in this fabulous post-coital glow.

“Um. I haven’t come yet,” Makoto says shyly. “May I keep going?”

Rin’s still doped up on endorphins but manages to glare at Makoto a little. “Makoto, you have your cock up my ass, stop being so goddamn polite.”

“Okay, sorry,” Makoto says softly, and hooks his thumbs on the dip of Rin’s hips, rubbing in smooth circles, as if in apology.

Rin closes his eyes, the dual sensations of Makoto’s firm thrusts and gentle fingers lulling him into a plateau of lazy satisfaction. Nagisa wasn’t kidding, those fingers are amazing, and wait… is he purring?

Makoto chuckles. “That’s a really nice sound you made, Rin. Do you think you can repeat—“

“—Oh fuck this,” Rin snaps, compensating for his blush with the roughness of his voice,  and with a strength backed by a fanatic number of hours in the gym and weights room, manages to flip them around.

Makoto’s head slams against the pillow, making him wince, but he says nothing as he looks up from beneath Rin. “What are you doing?” he asks, confused.

Rin plants a hand on Makoto’s chest. “Shut up,” he snarls. “You want to come?” He eases Makoto back inside of him—

“I’m going to ride you—“

—leans slightly back,—

“—until you’re a—”

— clamps his thighs against Makoto’s hips,—

 “—shaking _wreck_ —“

—and sinks down in one go.

“—on the floor.”

Makoto’s answering gasp echoes throughout the room, his pupils blown wide, mouth open in a wordless cry. He looks so good like that, and Rin grins, thrilled that he’s the only one who is able to see this side of Makoto.  

Makoto stays silent for a while, but he responds immediately with more soft touches, his fingers spreading over the sharp jut of Rin’s hipbones, holding him in place, as he raises his knees slightly to plant his feet wide.

Then, he thrusts up, fast and sharp, making Rin almost howl at the sudden spike of pleasure up his spine, along with the sweet delicious _burn_. Rin pants, not prepared for Makoto to retaliate so soon, but he welcomes it, in the same way he welcomes a race from Haru. This is interesting. Makoto’s challenging him, and Rin _lives_ for challenges.

Makoto’s breathing hard, but when he looks at Rin, his eyes glitter with a deep intensity beneath the stillness, and maybe this was what Nagisa was talking about when he emphasized the word _killer_ in killer whale.

“Bring it.”

*

Tonight, Rin learned three things. The first of this is that the homicide weapon on Makoto’s pelvis apparently possesses a refractory period of the lock and load persuasion. The second thing is that Rin has the stamina of a Dragonball fight arc— every time he thinks he’s only going to be able to keep going for just another minute, he finds himself lasting much much longer, leading to long, drawn-out orgasms that has both of them shaking through the pulses of pleasure like a live wire. 

The third thing is he’s really going to have to find a clever way to poison Nagisa discreetly for infecting him with this malicious brain disease of spouting terrible and ridiculous metaphors.

Shitty analogies aside though, the combination of the former two things is positively _devastating._ So devastating in fact, that by the time they both collapse on Rin’s sleeping bag in a heap of tangled sweaty limbs, the last train to Iwatobi has long since departed, and Makoto doesn’t even have the energy to panic.

“Oh,” Makoto says, chuckling breathlessly. “We used up all the condoms.”

“Yeah well, we switched around,” Rin answers, tying up that last condom and tossing it in the trash can.

“Yeah. That was good.” Makoto closes his eyes briefly and tips his head back. Rin catches sight of the set of bright red hickeys he left on Makoto’s neck under the pale lamp light, and feels oddly satisfied.

Makoto opens his eyes again, and looks forlornly at the digital clock on Rin’s bedside drawer. “My mom’s going to be so mad.”

“Call her,” Rin says, because one of them has to keep enough brain cells to exercise common sense. He doesn’t even think about it when he adds, “Just stay over.”

Makoto’s glazed-over eyes light up, looking pleasantly surprised by the invitation. “Thanks, Rin,” he says, and rolls over to grab his phone from his pants which are currently draped over Rin’s unused bed.

Rin just nods and blindly grabs an old shirt from the floor and begins a half-hearted attempt to clean up. Good thing most of the mess is contained to their torsos. His arms are the only things on his body with some modicum of spatial movement at this point, as his legs have elected to denounce themselves as functioning limbs in favour of becoming a pile of cooked pasta.

Makoto smiles a grateful smile at Rin as he dials his home number. “Mom? ...Yeah, I’m so sorry, I’m with Rin, over here at Samezuka Academy. I just missed the last train and— Nagisa said what?”

Rin tenses at the mention of Nagisa’s name, but it seems like there’s nothing to worry about since Makoto’s face relaxes. “Oh uh… yes, I forgot I told him to tell you, haha, how silly of me… Yeah, I will… Love you too. See you tomorrow Mom.” He ends the call and places his phone back in his pants.

“What did Nagisa tell your mom?” Rin asks, as he tosses the used shirt over towards his laundry hamper.

“Just that I’m catching up with an old friend and staying over,” Makoto answers, and settles back on the sleeping bag, lying on his back.

“Good enough,” Rin says, and lies back down, relaxing, sweat beginning to cool on his skin. He’s going to have to do some serious cleaning up tomorrow, which would doubly suck if he’s going to be limping around while doing so. But he’s fooling himself if he thinks it isn’t worth it.

Makoto glances sideways at him. “Do you want to move to your bed or—“

“No,” Rin says, and punctuates this point by pulling his blanket off the bed, and laying it over the two of them. Makoto helps, and soon enough, they’re both snuggled under the covers, on the floor of Rin’s room, their heads close together as they share one fortunately large pillow.

“Makoto?”

“Mmm?”

“I am only using you for your body,” Rin says. That's right. Just Makoto's body. Which includes that sweet smile, gentle face, sexy back and the cock that aggravates drag resistance. He wiggles himself into a more comfortable position, and drapes an arm around Makoto’s waist. “Just so we’re clear.”

“Crystal,” Makoto murmurs, and pulls Rin closer.

*

Rin wakes up to the incessant beeping of his phone from his open bag. Blearily, he reaches for it, discovering that it’s 7 AM, which is still an ungodly time to be awake on a Saturday morning. Makoto’s still slumbering peacefully beside him— he has turned over in his sleep sometime in the night, and is currently lying on his stomach, exposing his glorious back to the world. That’s the nice thing about Makoto— he’s a visual feast whether he’s facing you or turning his back on you.

There are three messages in Rin’s inbox.

The first is from Nagisa, an MMS message.

It contains a picture of a beach with a lone coconut tree, with the logo of [SURVIVOR AUSTRALIA](http://www.oocities.org/survivorshow2002/survivor_logo.jpg) photoshopped in the middle.  

 _Congratulations! \o\ \o/ /o/_ is the only text following after. Rin has to give it to Nagisa, every time he thinks Nagisa couldn’t get any worse, he finds new and creative ways to prove Rin wrong.

The second is from Haru:

_Nagisa kept bugging me to congratulate you. So, congratulations. Tell Makoto I want to play Diablo 3 today._

The third is from Rei:

_I recommend Neosporin ointment._

Rin groans. It’s way too early for this shit. He briefly considers not replying at all, but Nagisa’s likely to keep pestering him until he replies, and he wants to get more sleep in before he has to face the world and walk bowlegged for the rest of the day.

 _Go choke on a pocky stick,_ he texts to Nagisa.  

To Haru, he sends, _Tell him yourself._

To Rei, he sends, _Noted_. Rin doesn’t bother to be annoyed at him, even if Rei’s technically also stepping all over Rin’s business, because he’s the only one who actually said something useful.

Then he shoves his phone back into his bag, presses his nose to Makoto’s nape, and goes back to sleep.

*

Makoto’s laughter echoes in the large empty warehouse, followed by a series of mewls and quiet purring. For reasons Rin refuses to analyse any more than he has to, he somehow finds himself taking Makoto to his recent discovery: a litter of kittens taking shelter in an abandoned warehouse near Samezuka. Makoto attributes it to good fortune and possibly the emergence of Rin’s hidden tender side; Rin stubbornly attributes it to an orgasm-induced lapse of judgment, never mind that it’s been two days since that night of equal parts magical discovery and mutual debauchery (they were earth-shattering orgasms okay, the kind with aftershocks that probably sundered the part of Rin’s brain responsible for making sensible decisions).

“What do you know, Nagisa was right,” Makoto comments idly, as he rubs a black kitten’s belly with his fingers, smiling at the kitten’s attempt to bat at his hands with cute little paws.

“Nagisa is conniving, lascivious, categorically insane, and possibly a spawn of Satan,” Rin grumbles.

“But he was _right,_ ” Makoto adds with a mirthful chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess,” Rin sighs in defeat. As much as he wants to drop Nagisa off the sharp edge of a cliff sometimes, the fact remains that he’s the reason why Rin’s no longer spending nights moping after Haru’s complete lack of interest in people outside of a platonic and swimming-related context. He doesn’t even think of Haru as much now. Sure, Haru still figures prominently in his fantasies about swimming and winning— that is never going to change. But somewhere between then and now, his mind has made a clear divide on where Haru stands, and where Makoto comes in. He thinks about beating Haru in races to get himself pumped before practice, but it’s Makoto he thinks about whenever he’s just…. well, pumping.

Rin buries his face between his knees, and fervently wishes he possessed the flexibility to kick himself in the head, because that comparison was so terrible it probably violates strategic arms limitation treaties. This must be what it means to be fucked _stupid_. Literally.

He feels Makoto shift beside him as the other boy picks up the orange calico kitten currently rubbing itself on Rin’s calf.

“This one really likes you, Rin,” Makoto says softly, and playfully nudges Rin’s knee with the back of his hand.

Rin grunts, lifts his head from his knees and turns towards Makoto, only to be summarily blinded by two sets of bright green eyes blinking at him, a soft smile on one face, and an inquisitive feline moe from the other.

Fucking Makoto—could’ve warned a guy. At this rate, Makoto’s gonna kill him either with sex or sheer cuteness. Not a bad way to die either way, but that’s not the point.

“Rin?” Makoto repeats, when Rin doesn’t respond.

“Fine, give me the thing,” Rin says gruffly, and accepts the kitten from Makoto, noting how Makoto’s eyes sparkle as Rin handles the tiny cat with a gentleness he rarely applies anywhere else. The kitten is warm and soft in Rin’s hands, so docile and pliant as it sleepily blinks at Rin, as if shyly asking for affection.  

No, it doesn’t remind him of anyone he knows, that’s ridiculous.

It’s probably a freak hormonal disorder at work here but this time, he doesn't even try to put up any token protests, and in full view of Makoto, he brings the kitten to his face, nuzzles it with his nose and smiles.

~fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Drinking game: take a shot every time I described or mentioned Makoto’s ding-a-ling in this fic. 
> 
> This was supposed to be a short crack piece, but then the shitstorm in the RinHaru/MakoHaru tags happened after episode 12, which for some obscene reason, inspired me. Sorry not sorry. ~~This actually had an extra 3k+ words, but they didn’t fit with the rest of the cracky tone of the fic so I decided to just shelf it as a possible “OH SHIT THIS ISN’T A SEX THING ANYMORE HUH?” sequel, assuming I haven’t been kicked out of fandom yet for the things I made Nagisa say.~~
> 
> Sequel [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1026756)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Your Constellations Across My Skin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170162) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




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